So let's be honest. My sister is fucking stupid. She has yet to develop her own persona so what does she do when she is with someone? She morphs herself to match them. We've all done it at one point or another to one extent or another. The difference is that usually we learn and grow from those experiences and find out more about ourselves as the situations end or unfold. My sister on the other hand, just keeps doing it. With every boyfriend she has ever had she has done this. Maybe it's for acceptance or love... I'm not entirely sure but it is stupid.

She is now pregnant to a guy who has been a waiter for 10 years and that, my friends, is his claim to fame. That he has had a job for 10 years... as a waiter. He of course plans on being a manager... at some point. He's still paying off student loans from going to a school that he didn't graduate from. He owes shit tons of money on a car that is worth pennies. He now wants to buy a truck on top of that debt when he has a newborn on the way and they don't have shit in the way of baby supplies. He is, by definition, a fucking loser. They are of course now married since she is pregnant. I know this sounds awful, but she's making one of the biggest mistakes of her life and all I can do is sit by and watch it unfold.

I received, via text message, a picture of her sonogram today and in all honesty I died on the inside. I want to shake her and say "You realize that just because you are having this baby doesn't mean he is going to be faithful to you or love you forever, right? You have to KNOW that." This guy has told her previously that he will always have his women on the side but he will always come home to her. They had also broken up all of two weeks prior to the last time she found out she was pregnant and lost that baby. Then she proceeded to get pregnant less than a month later. LESS THAN MONTH! What kind of life is that? She really must have way less self esteem or pride than I ever gave her credit for. If there was ever someone who needs therapy and counseling its my sister. They can barely afford to live with both of them working and they're going to bring a baby into the mix. It's really all as tragically stupid and surreal just like that idiot show on MTV called 16 and pregnant. Except she's not 16, she just hasn't matured past that age.

There's nothing I can do for her. I'm torn between "being there for her" and watching her crash and burn all on her own since, let's be honest, that's what is going to happen. They fight a lot. I mean shit, he's even fucking HIT HER before. HIT HER. They've broken up so many times I can't even keep track anymore. Yet she goes back to him because... I don't know... because she wants to or needs to.

Listen, I've gotten pregnant before because I was stupid and wasn't taking my birth control. You know what I did? I got an abortion. That's right... an ABORTION. Because I was thinking of what kind of life that child were to have if I were to have it then in my physical, mental and emotional state. I don't think that's wrong or selfish. I think it was right. You can say nothing to change my mind about that. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hard thing to do. Maybe I do approach things with too much logic and reason and not enough emotion, but as I see it sometimes emotion leaves you pregnant with a man who is no where near worthy of your presence and you thinking everything is hunky dory when everyone, except you, can see that is in fact not.

Who knows... maybe in 5 years I'll be wrong. MAYBE. I doubt it though. But if that's the case. I'll come back on Xanga and say "Listen, WORLD I WAS SO WRONG!". If not, all I will be thinking is... GD it. I told you. I fucking told you, but you wouldn't listen you fucking moron. Now you deal with the consequences of your decisions because your decisions aren't mine.

Ahh... /END RANT.

So I love how yesterday I was telling Blair how I won't write in here that often because nothing exciting ever happens in my life now adays... AND THEN

Last night Stephen and I are chillin on the couch watching TV and his phone rings. I hear someone asking about his backpack and my first thought is that I guess he left his backpack at school or something. THEN he goes outside (and I follow out of curiosity b/c I'm inherently nosey) to find that his backpack is gone along with the faceplate to my car's radio. The police say they're going to bring his stuff back so we chill outside to find out what happened. APPARENTLY this kid (I'm guessing b/w like 16-20 hispanic guy, I didn't get a good look at him) went and stole the stuff out of my car (Stephen had left the window down so there weren't any broken windows or anything Thank God!) then went like two houses away to one on the corner and tried breaking in their car but their alarm went off. So that lady chased him down the street and called the cops. In the process, he threw Stephen's backpack on the ground. He then ran to someone else house and was asking them "for a ride home" as an alibi. Like he wasn't just trying to break into people's cars! ALSO this kid lives like in the neighborhood somewheres.

SO the cops get him and of course the kid "didn't do anything". The cops bring Stephen's backpack and my radio faceplate back and take our names down and what not. Interestingly enough, one of the cops Stephen went to highschool with so that was kinda random. While the cop was getting Stephen's backpack out of the car the kid was asking if he was going to jail and the cop was like "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK THE LAW!". They asked if I wanted to press charges and I said yes (after thinking about it b/c I mean at first I felt like I was being harsh and then the cop was like you're luck you got your stuff back because most ppl don't). Then we went inside and discussed how insane all that just was.

ON A SIDE NOTE: this kid was an idiot thief. Along with taking Stephen's backpack (full of college books and binders) and my radio faceplate, he failed to take the things of actual value in the car like all the CD's and Stephen's MP3 player. Not that I wish he took it, but I mean come on... what a moron. Also with my radio faceplate the cops said he had a good story for it: It went on his '85 Chevy truck that was conveniently located in Mexico right now. BULLSHIT!

I really do hope this kid like learns a lesson and decides "hey maybe I should not steal stuff and actually be a productive member of society", but who knows what he'll take from it. Just what a weird and random night.